A moment with Mum

By Sharon Court, Portsmouth City Council. 

I was in Tesco several months ago and as I turned into one of the chilled aisles, I saw a Mum and her young child on the floor by one of the fridges. Mum was on her knees and her child was standing up, so they were both at the same height. The shopping basket was forgotten as they had a quiet hug, paying no attention to shoppers. The priority for Mum in that moment was what whatever her child needed.

I watched them for a couple of moments, supposedly doing my shopping. I was impressed that Mum hadn’t put off her child or told her to stop fussing – she’d simply stopped what she was doing, put the basket to one side, got on her knees and hugged her daughter. Such a brilliant example of being compassionate and prioritising what her daughter needed in that moment.

When you see that kind of response with adults, we can call it a person-centred or even a trauma-informed way of working. But children don’t often get that kind of grace – instead they’re told that they should be quiet, they should stop fussing or pestering or squinning!

Children do want a lot of attention – because they have a lot of questions! They are like little emotion and information buckets and they need topping up regularly! That’s part of the role of parents: to sift out what’s helpful and appropriate (and what isn’t) but also to engage with children’s innate curiosity and help them make sense of the world through everyday experiences, filling up their buckets with good things.

How does this relate to restorative practice, I hear you ask?

In two ways: firstly the way that the Mother engaged with her child (which would have probably avoided a meltdown later!). And secondly, as I walked past them, I leaned down and said quietly: “Well done, Mum” with a friendly smile.

Perhaps other shoppers might have thought she was in the way, or that she shouldn’t have stopped her task to ‘pander’ to her child? But I think she had the right priorities and I thought it was important to tell her.

It was a very brief moment, that lasted just a few seconds on my part, but I hope that Mum felt seen, encouraged and validated.