Restorative Story – Two Boys

By Sue Austin, Portsmouth Mediation Service. 

I was asked whether our service could support a situation following an incident at a primary school, where one boy had been harmed by another. Initially, the boy responsible received a short suspension and then returned to school. The boys were kept apart, as the boy who had been harmed was terrified of encountering him. This led to him becoming withdrawn and anxious, both at school and at home.

His mother explained that he no longer played independently in his bedroom and had become sullen and clingy, which was not his usual bubbly disposition. She was seeking support for his worsening mental health and was also keen for him to take part in a restorative process.

The other boy was being managed through separate break times and adjustments to his school day to avoid contact. However, he was gradually becoming ostracised by other children, being labelled as “the boy who hurt someone” and perceived as someone to fear.

Alongside a school support worker who knew both boys, I held initial meetings with each of them to understand what had happened. Prior to this, I spoke with their parents, which helped me gain insight into the boys’ personalities, interests, and needs, enabling me to build trust and rapport quickly.

Both boys were initially nervous but soon relaxed when we began talking about football and other activities they enjoyed. They were also reassured that they could leave the meeting at any time, which supported their engagement.

After speaking with both boys and exploring the events that led to the incident, they agreed to take part in a restorative meeting together to find a way forward.

During the meeting, the boy who had caused harm explained why he had become angry and “lashed out.” He spoke about how he had felt at the time and how much he had regretted his actions since. He apologised, and we acknowledged this, which helped the other boy feel able to bravely share how the incident had affected him both at the time and in the months since.

At this point, there was a noticeable shift in the room. Both boys became less tense, and there was a clear sense of relief as two months of held emotion began to ease.

We then discussed how they would like things to look moving forward and explored how any misunderstandings or feelings of anger could be managed if they came up. As the incident had started during a football game, the boy who had been harmed suggested they play together again and said he would let others know he felt comfortable with this which in turn would help them to bring him back into group games again and not someone to fear.

Before finishing, I asked if they would like to say anything else to each other. One of them turned to the other and said, “Do you know the Man U manager got sacked yesterday?” a moment that, as you can imagine, broke any remaining tension completely. They then walked back to their respective classrooms together with the support worker.

The following feedback came from the mother of one of the boys a few months after the meeting was held.

“You probably won’t remember me but I’m the mum of a boy you saw a few months ago for a restorative meeting. I just wanted to let you know he is doing amazing since you met with him. We retracted the application for mental health support; he is back to his usual bubbly self and has more confidence before with how he handles friendships. It was so empowering for him. To date he has had no further issues with the lad either. So, thank you very much it was a wonderful intervention and gave me my happy boy back.”